Too Much of a Good Thing Raising Children of Character in an Indulgent Age Harvard psychologist's groundbreaking study reveals increasing overindulgence is derailing many lives.

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All parents want the best for their children. Unfortunately, according to Dr. Dan Kindlon, co-author of the 1999 best-seller Raising Cain, too many parents are too indulgent - which can mean everything from not requiring them to do chores and buying them too many toys to protecting them too much from disappointment.

In Too Much of a Good Thing - Raising Children of Character in an Indulgent Age, to be published by Talk Miramax Books on September 5th Kindlon sheds new light on how parents with the best intentions of making their children happy actually increase the chance that their children will be depressed. The book presents for the first time the results of an important, new study, entitled Parenting Practices at the Millennium (PPM), which shows that American children often lack the strong character that is essential for well-being because they are not getting enough TLC-time, limits and caring.

"What we want for our children is a perfect life devoid of hardship and pain," Kindlon states. "But their happiness as adults is largely dependent on the tools we give them, tools that will allow them to develop emotional maturity-to be honest with themselves, to be empathetic, to take initiative, to delay gratification, to learn from failure and move on, to accept their flaws, and to face the consequences when they've done something wrong."

Too Much of a Good Thing also examines children's attitudes toward their indulged lives and reveals that many kids believe that their parents spoil them. Instead of encouraging them to take on life's challenges and work hard toward their goals, parents try to protect them from every failure. Kindlon explores the motivations behind these counter-productive parenting practices, finding their roots in fears that contemporary parents have of being too much like their own parents.

In Too Much of a Good Thing, Kindlon identifies the "seven syndromes of indulgence," patterns of behavior that are common among children of affluent times:

· Self-centeredness

· Anger

· Obsessive ambition

· Lack of motivation

He argues that society's focus on achievement and success has replaced the emphasis on developing an inner moral compass; its absence makes it hard for kids to take responsibility for their actions and have meaningful, fulfilling relationships.

The book offers practical advice for parents who want to avoid misguided giving. Rituals, such as eating dinner and attending religious services together, make a world of difference, Kindlon says. He also stresses the importance of developing a "good inner parent," one that will set fair, consistent limits for children.
· Eating disorders

· Problems with self-control

· Spoiled behavior

Check out the August 6 2001 issue of Time Magazine for more on this timely topicDan Kindlon answers frequently asked questions